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Nothing rides like a rental

Re: Where can I rent an off road tandem bike in Texas???

From: Maybe Not
Date: 6/28/00
Time: 12:30:47 PM
Remote Name: 12.74.120.123

Comments

This past June me and a buddy of mine decided to take a road trip out to the Southwest. We had heard of some pretty incredible areas to go mountain biking so we packed up and left Chicago. Because we were driving 1400 miles we decided that it would be better to rent bikes instead of lugging ours all the way across the country. When we arrived in El Paso we called some of the local shops about renting bikes with front suspension. After calling no less than three shops we were told that they had rented all of their suspension bikes for the day. The last shop we called offered to rent us a tandem with front suspension. Being the impatient types we decided that riding the tandem off road might be a lot of fun. We reserved the bike and drove down to shop. When we arrived we were overjoyed to find that the bike was a beautiful Cannondale tandem with all the amenities of a top of the line NORBA racer (including ONZA Rip and Rail tires). After paying the rental fee and signing our waivers we asked the shop owner where he would suggest riding. He directed us to some trails that were within riding distance (Franklin State Park). We began on an asphalt road that led to the trailhead parking lot. Upon arriving at the trailhead we stopped to survey the terrain and the trail. The trail began with a wicked downhill singletrack with loose gravel. There were numerous large boulders in the trail also. Because my friend was a more experienced rider we decided to let him steer and I took up the rear. As we began our descent and picked up speed I noticed that I could not see anything ahead of us because my buddy was slightly taller. All of sudden I felt the impact of a large hit. The front shock soaked up much of the impact as the rear tire headed toward a rock the size of two basketballs. In the split second I saw the rock coming I knew I was about to be thrown from the impact. My pedals unclipped and I got shot up into the air in a sitting position. As I am flying through the air I have the opportunity to look down to see where I am going to land. With a true surge of adrenaline and terror I see myself heading directly toward the rear tire of the still traveling tandem. Needless to say I end up crotch first on the rolling rear tire. Besides racking my nuts beyond belief the heavily knobbied tire (actually an Onza Rip which has these long studded bars) snagged my biking pants and yanked me forward where I became wedged between the seat stay, seat post and the wheel. The bike began to slow even though we were still descending because I was now wedged balls first between the wheel and the bike. The tire quickly ripped through my padded bike shorts and began abrading virgin ball and ass flesh. In the end my butt crack and scrotum received third degree abrasion burns from the Onza "Rip" tire. When the EMT arrived, the paramedics fitted a jockstrap like belt with attached maxi pads to my balls to stop the profuse bleeding. The later formed scabs were even worse. They would crack and bleed every time I would take a dump. Today I have a constant reminder of the ONZA Rip tire - my girlfriend says there is a brownish pigmentation on the skin around my balls where the tire came into contact with it. She says it looks like a skid mark since the markings are in the shape of the tire studs.